Dr Noya.com

Mother writes parenting `blueprint' for daughters
The San Diego Union - Tribune; San Diego, Calif.; May 3, 2002; Kelly O'Connor;

CARMEL VALLEY -- When Noya Ostrowiak talks about motherhood, you can hear the passion in her voice. Her tone becomes very serious, almost stern and she talks a little bit louder.

Ostrowiak has a lot to say about the subject and, at the request of her daughters, wrote it down in a book. "Motherhood is Not a Rehearsal" offers this grandmother's view on parenting.

"I wanted a blueprint," said her oldest daughter, Orit Ostrowiak, who asked her mom to write the book when she decided to have children of her own.

Orit Ostrowiak said she hopes to be as good of a mother as her own -- strong, supportive and trustworthy.

"She's not trying to sound like the perfect mom. There's no such thing. These are just her views," said Noya Ostrowiak's younger daughter, Tal Ostrowiak-Kendra.

Both grown and married, Noya Ostrowiak's "girls" agree they are the evidence of successful parenting. That is why they asked for their mother's guidelines.

There is only one chance to nurture a child.

"We can't afford to mess up," Noya Ostrowiak said.

And although the Ostrowiaks admit to making mistakes, they are happy to have healthy relationships and open communication with one another. The daughters feel the same way about their father, Terry Ostrowiak, as they do about their mother. In 1988, the Ostrowiaks moved from South Africa, where their daughters were raised, to the Netherlands.

Just a few years later, Orit Ostrowiak left for the United States to finish her college education. Ostrowiak-Kendra soon followed, and they lived in a condo in Carmel Valley for six years.

Each year, their parents would visit until they decided to make the move themselves, three years ago.

Noya Ostrowiak has her doctorate in literature from the University of South Africa and also earned a master's in management. Now that her daughters are starting their own families, she spends more time on her writing. Noya Ostrowiak has autograph signings at local bookstores, including one Wednesday at Barnes & Noble in Encinitas.

"Motherhood is Not a Rehearsal," which was published by Southern Charm Press, won three awards in 2001. All are from the writing organization Preditors & Editors and include: Best Author, Best Nonfiction Book and Best Poem for "I Wish You a Sky," which was written by Orit for her mom, and is included in the book.

The daughters each contributed a chapter expressing their feelings about their mom and how they were raised.

"It makes the book whole," Noya Ostrowiak said of her daughter's contributions.

Many books on parenting forget to include the voice of the children, Ostrowiak said.

After the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Ostrowiak read about parents showing their children more love and affection, spending more time with them.

"Why do we need a disaster to do this? We should always be nurturing, sharing and loving," Ostrowiak said.

Parenting is a lifetime commitment, not to be taken lightly, she said.

Both daughters agree that Ostrowiak has taken her role in their lives very seriously. This unconditional love and support has made her more than their mother; she is also their best friend.